o8.21.o9

Whenever I sit on my veranda and watch the neighborhood my mind
wonders, as would anyone else's. I went from thinking about if the kid
that was murdered in the park woke up the morning feeling different
because it would be his last day alive to having a relationship. Now I
don't like to talk about this with anyone so I figured I'd pen it or
in this case…type it. Here goes…

As you probably already know, there is this boy, he will remain
nameless because…well just because. Anywho, we kinda have a weird
love hate relationship. One minute we're into eachother the next
neither of us exist to one another. I like to say it works but it's
what I LIKE to say. That doesn't mean it's true on my part. I can only
speak for myself as to what could be done differently to either be
together or not. For one, I DO NOT like to talk on the phone. However,
if the conversation is stimulating enough then I'll survive. But
that's a big IF. So that's one thing I need to work on. And I'm trying
really hard. Another thing is my inability to trust. I have seen way
too much people crying over spoiled relationships and all kinds of
crazy shit that frankly I am "illequiped", as Juno would say. I know
what your thinking "people get their feelings hurt. It's A part of
being in a relationship". Now that I have typed it I have a grasp on
it and sincerly get it. I just don't think I'm ready for it.

Put it this way, I wish I could be a relationship were I could turn
off my feelings whenever I wanted.

Just humor me…please. Can't I dream?